I Want A Wife!
Have you ever read the essay, I Want a Wife, by Judy (Syfers) Brady? This is a feminist satire that was written in 1970 and remains relevant even today. It’s both funny and tragic, being all about a working woman wanting a “wife” to do all the unpaid wifely things — things that families (men and children) typically have done for them by their wives/moms. While (traditionally) only a “privileged” man could have a wife, I know one thing for sure, I would love to have a wife!!
In 1997, I went back to college to study Women’s Studies (and sociology and psychology), and this essay was included in the required readings. I loved it. Propaganda would have had me believe that women had achieved equality, and yet, I could see systemic discrimination all around me and this essay validated my own observations and beliefs.
Here we are in 2021, and I often wonder, how in this millennium can the free labour of women still be propping up capitalism? How can women still bear the brunt of double duty — in the workplace and at home — and still be earning only 87 cents on the dollar for work that is equal to a man’s (Statistics Canada, 2019)?
Granted, there are more men in this era than ever before who recognize the unfairness of expecting women to shoulder the burden of running a household and have the bulk of the responsibility for raising children, while contributing to the economic coffers of the family. Any yet, most women still do.
I realize that many men believe that they contribute substantially to the running of the household and assuming responsibility for the children. And yet, as reported in The Guardian (Feb 17, 2018) according to the Office for National Statistics in Britain (2016), women did almost 60% more of the unpaid work, on average, than men.
The fact that women are doing more than men is not the only issue — it is also about what is being done. Men typically do more of the “blue” jobs — like take out the trash and mow the lawn. Those things take place about once a week, and they are not that time consuming! What about the daily and weekly tasks that typically fall to women — making lunches, washing dishes, doing laundry, planning and preparing dinners, and so on?
If you are a mom, you’re likely in charge of making sure everything is in place, and you know it is not just about the “doing!” Who plans, coordinates, and arranges the childcare, the sports, the meals, the transportation, the music lessons — this takes mental energy. Moms are always thinking! We are always “on!”
To give men their due, even when they are more than willing, it isn’t always easy to take on more true responsibility for the household and childcare. Our culture socializes women to attach their identity and value to how well their homes and children are managed. As a result, women don’t always have faith that a man will meet the accepted standard, and there is an underlying fear that if they don’t, it is they who will be judged as lacking, not the men.
Have you ever noticed how our society praises a man who does even just a little bit more than is considered the norm when it comes to children and the household? I have fallen prey to this myself — for example, I see a man pushing a stroller while walking the dog, and I instinctively feel approval for that man. And yet, I would hardly even notice a woman pushing a stroller while walking the dog!
I mentioned the disparity in wages earlier. But the disparity is about more than just hourly rates of pay. Women frequently take time away from work for child-related reasons, and their ability to work shiftwork and overtime is limited by childcare availability. Thus their career choices can be limited, or their chosen careers can be significantly set back, during their children’s younger years.
Additionally, the Royal Bank of Canada, in its 2019 Family Matters Report, states that career costs of parenthood are largely placed on women. The motherhood earnings gap persists for at least 5 years after women return to work following the birth of a child, and this earnings gap is wider and lasts longer for women in the 25 to 29 age range than for those who have children later. In the first year after birth, Canadian women see a 48% reduction in income, and women between the ages of 25 to 29 see an additional 14% reduction over the five years following birth of their child. The report also found that men did not face similar penalties after becoming fathers, and that men actually experienced an increase in earnings.
So, to moms out there, if you’re feeling a bit underpaid or overworked, you’re most likely not imagining it, and you are not alone.
